19. ‘To stop the train pull the chain’


While travelling in the local train today, I came across this signboard which said, “To stop train pull the chain”. For a second it made me wish that I could pull the chain on my life. Just for a second.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suicidal or anything. I just overthink, a lot. For the past 3 months, I have been in this city, the city that never sleeps. At first, it used to feel very strange, I used to think, what am I even doing here? In a place where I hardly know anyone or anything. The reality took its sweet time to sink in. But, the prospect of something different, something new, used to excite me. I used to look forward to each day with a sense of purpose. I still do, but, now the purpose is more serious and less exciting (I hope that changes soon). Makes me want to quote a dialogue from Grey’s anatomy, ‘We are adults? When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?’ Seriously, how do we?
Life would have been so much easier if we could know our future. Then we would know what to expect and what not to. My biggest problem is this uncertainty, it causes a lot of doubts, fear and anguish. The uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring.

This blog feels like a local train, all mess. I am going to leave it at that, just adding a last thought:

A few weeks ago I wrote an article that I never published, it is called, Life is beautifully uncertain, at that time I really used to think that it is, but, now I doubt my own words. Maybe I will publish it one day, when I find the beauty in its uncertainty, again.

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